huh.

19Nov08

You’d think I’d get hip to men, eventually. But I never do.
My Mtown bestie has fallen into physical love with social studies, last week I met an underwear model who used the word “equidistant” in casual conversation, my boss at the video store (a thirty-something Broncos fan who eats a lot of steak) spent a [...]

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Tags: 98 Degrees, men are so confusing

displacement

14Nov08

Whoever said that substitute teaching was an uninspired vocation clearly has not subbed 5th grade science.

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Tags: Bill Nye the Science Guy

change you can believe in.

12Nov08

(meager leftovers from my excursion to the city)
A faithful reader of FIVE YEARS, M. J. Larson, was expecting a post about Barack. Thus, he shall have one.
Gina is taking a social work class – – they let me sit in last Thursday. Her prof (a gorgeous woman made terrifically luminant by her passion for good-deed doing) [...]

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Tags: Barack Obama, change, Homeless man, Mike Larson, Running man, Step Up 2: the streets

The VP Debate

02Oct08

Aptly named the “Maverick”, this NERF gun features sticky darts that will not harm your TV when Sarah Palin says something stupid. With only 3 darts, I forsee an aerobic workout – dashing to the TV and back to my armchair to reload, cause the ridiculousness is going to be rapid-fire. God, I love my right [...]

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Tags: Maverick, NERF guns, Sarah Palin

Water doesn’t grow on trees.

25Sep08

 JOANNEHARRIS

  joanne.m.harris@hotmail.com
Marshalltown, IA 50158
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Environmental Protection Agency
1110 Vermont Ave. N.W., Suite 1160
Washington, DC 20005
 
 
 
To Whom It May Concern:
 
 
            I know how to save the earth.
 
It starts with a grassroots campaign of public awareness: If only 1/3 of female American citizens urinate in the shower instead of the toilet, I predict massive water conservation.
 
 
To prove my [...]

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Tags: Peeing in the Shower

Who stole my post-it?

22Sep08

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Tags: Intention to Stalk and Kill, Post-It, Silliness, Theft, Vibraphones

And…you…are…not…it!

17Sep08

From Schott’s Original Mischellany:
The following doggerels are traditional rhymes sung by generations of British schoolchildren. The rhymes tend to be associated with girls counting fruit stones left on their plates (each additional stone decreasing the value of their future husband, wedding dress, etc.)
When shall I marry? This year, next year, sometime, never.
What will my [...]

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Tags: beer, Boy meets World, British schoolchildren, Christian Dior, facebook pokes, Grey's Anatomy, husbands, Justin Timberlake, Lamborghini, Lynn Spears, marriage, rhymes, Rodeo Drive, sailors, Schott's Original Micschellany, Sing Sing, Vera Wang, Walmart bags are killing the planet, wheelbarrows

Do-overs not given in Dr. Kevorkian’s office.

12Sep08

That’s why I decided NOT to kill myself. Can’t take it back.
Marshalltown sucks; I hate my job and I hate myself to the point of almost hating the adventures I had because they’ve landed me in this financial prison. Which is bunk. The adventures I had were invaluable and I know that. My lesson? I am being SCHOOLED [...]

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Tags: Amy Pohler, Antonio Banderas, Baby Mama, Evita, Family Video, Fruit Gushers, IA, Jack Kevorkian, Keira Knightley, Lorne Michaels, Madonna, Marshalltown, The Ladies Man, Tim Meadows, Tina Fey

Wrestling Meat

26Aug08

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Tags: Haha

Let them eat cake

05Aug08

Mark A. Perigard of the Boston Herald snarkily says it well.
Reality TV is outta control.

 It’s not merely entertainment anymore (Stick people arguing! Who doesn’t love the REAL WORLD)
 Or for the sheer acomplishment of a stupid feat (FEAR FACTOR) – it’s a media vehicle to perpetuate stardom.
and it’s fictional! Not. Even. Real. Sad.

These claims are supported [...]

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Tags: "Date my ex: Jo and Slade", Add new tag, asinine hot men, Dick Cheney, Fear Factor, getting your can on air, Jo De la Rosa, joanne harris, Mark Perigard, Real World, Slade Smiley, TSA