Archive for the 'Writing' Category
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What a wonderful holiday!
I received a card from my mother- completely in Spanish except for this gem: “Here’s hoping that you never go on a date with Chris Brown or somebody like that.”
AND a misplaced booty-call text from an unknown number!
Thank YOU, Saint Valentine.
Filed under: Humor | Leave a Comment
Tags: Chris Brown, Valentine's Day
Who stole my post-it?
Filed under: Humor, Silliness | 4 Comments
Tags: Intention to Stalk and Kill, Post-It, Silliness, Theft, Vibraphones
God writes like Santa
“And the stray dog cannot stayeth, thus saith the Lord God Almighty ruler of heaven and earth and surely my grief will be short liveth and the Maker of All things Good will increase my Joy. Probably Later.” – JoAnninniah 8:23b
Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment
Tags: God, Santa, stray dog
Why I love Wikipedia
As a complete and total nerd, it’s sometimes so good to know that you are never alone.
It is also traditionally assumed that the song recites a cumulative list of gifts, i.e. on Day One the singer receives one gift of one item; on Day Two, one gift of two items, etc. Thus the singer receives [...]
Filed under: Humor | 2 Comments
Tags: Twelve Days of Christmas, Wikipedia
A TBS woman
Thank you, Ted Turner, for providing me female characters of outstanding integrity and strength.
When I grow up, TBS has reassured me that I have options.
I could be a contralto who writes a sports column and has a handfull of male best friends. Who totally never notice she’s hot. Probably because she speaks so low and beats them all [...]
Filed under: Humor | 3 Comments
Tags: Bill Engvall, Everybody loves Raymond, Family Guy, Jeff Dye, McDreamy, My Boys, Sex and the City, TBS, Ted Turner, the King of Queens, Too much TV for JoAnne
hanging on like a yo-yo.
I am having issues sleeping. With the help of Wikipedia (much like curing your own AIDS with a box of pears) I have self-diagnosed the problem. I think I enter much more REM sleep than the normal human, and promptly wake up after each bout. During Rapid-Eye-Movement sleep, the human brain is in the stage where [...]
Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment
Tags: Fred Armisen, Hunter S. Thompson, My mom, REM sleep, Stevie Wonder
Self Help
Dear JoAnne,
Like you, I am a job-hunting, single white girl who is 24. Statistically, it is only possible to apply for employment utilizing Monster.com, YahooHotJobs.com and Craigslist (in 5 metropolitan cities) for 4 hours each day. Please, I’m going crazy here in my parents’ home in the middle of nowhere! What do you do [...]
Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment
Tags: boogie woogie, Celtic Feet, Craigslist, Job-hunting, Public Library, R Kelly, VH1
Helpful conversation essentials for surviving a graduation party in your opressively small hometown after an absence of 6+ years:
Instead of “Ummm, well…I dunno….I think I’m gonna be a writer and stuff” try answering that snarky “Sooooo…. What are you doing with your life now?” question with:
- Cocaine. How are the kids?
- Teaching music to apes [...]
Filed under: Humor, Silliness | 1 Comment
Tags: Awkwardness, Tapeworms
Dance, Dance, Dance
During the month I have been residing in Iowa, I have heard Ace of Base, in public, twice. It has led me to conclude that Iowa is but one big soft-rock radio station. It’s great at first with a “OOOOhhhh, man! I love this song!” and a triumphant fist pump upon receiving that nostalgic audio waft of [...]
Filed under: Writing, travel | Leave a Comment
Tags: Essay, Experimental Dance, Soft Rock, Zsa Zsa Gabor
